WANTED : INVESTORS FOR PANDA MIKE…
WANTED : INVESTORS FOR PANDA MIKE
I am writing a book about the pandemic. So as not to confuse people that might think it is a clinical reference book, I am calling it Panda Mike. I am looking for an incentive to finish the book of around £100,000.
Here are some things what I have written to help sell the book :
"Funnier than Jeremy Corbyn".
"If Elvis, Prince and Lemmy from Motorhead were alive today, one thing they would have in common is an outright refusal to read this book".
"The spelling is absolutely fawtless"
"The best piece of writing to come out of Testwood School's Class of 1972 since 1972"
"A superb assembly of words that made me turn the pages in order to find out what was happening on the next page"
And here is a taster of the book itself :
Panda Mike is a cuddly type of bear. However, the Pandemic is not cuddly. No virus ever is.
They say Panda Mike eats shoots and leaves. The pandemic eats peoples lives. You have to protect yourselves by shooting vaccines. It can "leave you" with long Covid, which is like the original disease but a lot longer.
They say that the pandemic originated in China. Of course, Panda Mike didn't, but there are otherwise lots of similarities.
Chapter one : Same old, Same Mould. I am in lockdown. Everyday I stare at the same walls. I really should clear that mould off the wall but it is hard to get motivated. If the pandemic was a sentence, it would be a prison sentence. If the pandemic was a washing machine. It would be a spin cycle. If it was a television programme, it would be Supermarket Sweep with face masks and hand sanitisers.
My body is not free but my mind is allowed to go wherever it wants to. I think about food. How the pandemic has affected my cooking? I am not really sure. I had not progressed much beyond boiling eggs anyway, but I have been watching more adverts and programmes featuring food since the pandemic – or should I say "Panda Mike", took hold of all our lives.
(Ideas for other chapters) :
How Panda Mike has influenced my music
How Panda Mike has influenced my daily chores
How Panda Mike has changed my life forever
The economic and social consequences of Panda Mike
The combined impact of Brexit and Panda Mike on the availability of favourite breakfast cereals… "when it comes to the crunch".
Motivational chapter – Pushing the envelope… (which is a bit too big to go in the letter box, so you really have to push it).
The protection afforded by mustard trousers.
Firm offers only – no time wasters!
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